The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize