why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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