Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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