Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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