My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
