Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Alive.
So much puke
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
