if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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