the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
