I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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