my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
did i walk over a car last night?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
