In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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