I smell stomach acid.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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