I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
