guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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