found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
