I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We have started to decorate penises.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
