what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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