My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
