Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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