Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
