Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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