Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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