If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
