Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
