Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
