my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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