OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
