I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
