I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
