just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
