evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
