i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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