Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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