It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
