Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
