the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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