Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
