And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
