porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
