i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
