I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
