Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
