chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
