I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
