I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
