Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
