Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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