she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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