It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We left the knife in your bed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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