My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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