Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
