So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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