I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
did i just pee glitter
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize