she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
