I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
