that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
