your parents love me but you hate me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
