That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
