Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
