I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
