he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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