she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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