conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize