i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
