I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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