My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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