so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
