now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
