I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
