i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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