Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
